the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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