Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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