You really coming over, don't trick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
