the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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