I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
