Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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