Please, let me fuck your mom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
