Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
