..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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