Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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