he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
