I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
