Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We got so high we made milksteak
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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