i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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