K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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