hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Houston, we have a blender
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
