3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
