to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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