i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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