Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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