He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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