Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
