just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
