I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
