ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there