My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week