You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.