Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.