I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
