I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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