i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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