I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
