"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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