I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you will always have a special place in my vag
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
