This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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