There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up under a house in Key West
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