I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
