6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica