Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She told me I should be a condom model.
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot