I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
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I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.