There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?