i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?