maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my shit smells like andre
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
