someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
