trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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