I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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