we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
