A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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