If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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