I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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