worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
