Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
