We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
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it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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