Can i not drive my cunt home
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
