oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just found puke in my bra..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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