$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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