Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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