A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
