I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Still dying that you shit outside
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
