A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
