meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
