roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
