At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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