Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
