textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
