I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
