dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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