I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
