Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
